Ghosting (/ˈɡəʊstɪŋ/)
The practice of ending a relationship with someone, suddenly and without explanation, by withdrawing from all communication.
Anyone who has seen the recent repercussions of Piers Morgan having apparently being ghosted by Meghan can see that it hurts. The opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s indifference.
So what is business ghosting and why does it damage reputation and cause harm?
Being ghosted in business puts you in limbo. “Did they even get the email? Have I done something wrong? Have they given the job to somebody else? Did my approach not impress? Shall I contact them again? How many times is following-up ok but not desperate? Are we going ahead?” If you are a company, it demonstrates to people that you do not care enough to make the effort in your business relationships.
How does business ghosting show up?
1. The interview process (endemic)
- Applying for a job and never receiving an official rejection (because it’s just the norm.)
- Going to an interview and never hearing back (thus no recourse to feedback.)
- Attending more than one interview and completing multiple selection tasks only to be met with silence (so ignoring how much time, cost and effort go into applying.)
- Asking candidates to come up with their own work and ideas for a specific task and then…nothing (simply a despicable way to harvest ideas and innovation).
2. Elsewhere.
- Reaching out to people or your teams to share news, ideas, updates, or asking for feedback and getting nothing back.
- Chasing late payments, information, requests to do stuff, and receiving no response. “Am I emailing a robot? I know you’re busy, but…, has my email slipped to the bottom of your in-tray?”
- Having a call with a potential client or business partner to never hear from them again.
- Sending a detailed proposal and not receiving a response.
- Doing work with somebody only to get no acknowledgment afterwards.
So why does business ghosting happen?
- Companies are busy, people are time-pressured, forget to follow up, work is very transactional; a project finishes, and they are onto the next challenge.
- Avoidance. People find it hard to give negative feedback, say no, reject others. It is easier, cheaper, and less draining to ghost.
- People manage their own stresses and challenges and haven’t got the bandwidth to consider others.
- Working from home allows us to de-personalise our working relationships.
Why does it weirdly hurt?
Despite how common it is becoming, it can still be damaging. (Although though not as hurtful as when it is done in a personal relationship – a whole other subject!) Yet, some of the feelings are the same, because it can lead to feeling disrespected, used, and disposable. And it leaves a void with little insight or understanding about what has happened, so psychologically, causing difficulty:
- We are social beings who constantly assess our environment for cues. Ghosting leaves a vacuum with no cues and no clues.
- Social cues allow us to regulate our own behaviour, and ghosting deprives us of the information we need to make sense of things and creates a feeling of emotional dis-regulation as we feel out of control.
- Our psychological system monitors our social standing which powers our self-worth. With no information, it is easier to fill the narrative with self-doubt.
- There is a known biological link between rejection and pain which means we feel actual pain at the withdrawal of a connection.
What’s the antidote to business ghosting?
- Due to evolutionary science, we are programmed to think negatively and look out for the “danger.” So finding ways to circumvent this is vital to gain proper perspective. Take a break, go for a walk, find ways to laugh at things. Set personal boundaries and balance.
- Introduce business buffers. Use alternatives for approaching new clients, find products that provide regular income when business is quieter (evergreen or standardised), look for alternative income sources, or short-cut ways to produce work. Adopt systems at work that create the need for feedback and work flow information.
- It’s not personal – even when you are doing something you passionately love and believe in. Thus, building boundaries, resilience and professionalism promotes good business judgment and create relationships that last.
- Start early with expectations. For example, “I always ask people to come back to me with feedback to help me improve, do let me know if things are not meeting your expectations, if you can’t get anything done, come to me and we can plan.” Therefore, you know you did everything on your side to manage your business relationships.
- Find ways to bounce back. It is easy to eschew challenges or opportunities after setbacks, but it is often the unexpected doors which lead to new and exciting pathways.
Finally
As an organisation, you may be a huge player with massive leverage, but common courtesy and having systems in place to treat your customers, clients, and employees with respect, will reflect positively on your brand and recognition. Be clear that you do not condone ghosting.
And if you’re in a situation where your business relationships have broken down and you don’t know how to fix things – contact me and we can get them back on track.
Prosocial & Psychological Safety
And if you’re Piers… (nope, I have no advice there!)
For more on how ghosting can shatter your business reputation